I love natural disasters and storms. They are so captivating, mysterious, and energetic. I love how all of the elements come together; wind, water, fire, earth, and spirit.
Concentrating. Building. Growing. Energetic. Unite.
Destruction. Death. Rebirth. Cleanse. New Beginnings. Nature. Respect. Deep.
The cycles upon cycles, cylindrically come together in a surge of power and expression.
Somehow storms are spiritual to me. I feel it very strongly.
Tidal waves wash away, and cleanse. They cleanse the spirit, they open the heart, cleanse you of distractions from what life is really about. Remind you about togetherness, community, love, gratitude, spirit, and LOVE (worth saying twice.)
The calm within the storm. The eye of the storm. Is like the third eye, if you can see through your third eye and you can become the witness, you become calm, even in the scariest most horrifying hours.
There is a stillness of storms, and disasters that draw me in. It's kind of like when I go to the PNE and get on a crazy ride. I would be terrified, but as long as I just didn't look at "the whole" of the ride I was fine. If I just focused on my seat and where I was in each moment, I could ride the ride. If I looked forward of where we were going, or back to where we just came from, I'd freak out. "We are about to get spun like 5 times omg!! I'm gonna fly out! I'm gonna smack my head! I'm gonna throw up!" But, when I just stayed in each and every moment right now, I was fine. I was calm. I felt safe.
Surge. Energy. Water. Wind. Power. Builds. Funnel. Spiral, the golden number. The golden number is a spiral, just like our DNA, tornadoes, storms, mega storms, our solar system, Universe, and there are millions of other phenomenon's of the golden number.
Power, humble. Trust. If it's time (to live or die), It's time. I've always thought if a tidal wave came suddenly and we had no warning, I wouldn't run. There would be no time and I don't want to waste my last minutes in fear. I'd surrender and enjoy the beauty and power. The overwhelming power. Embrace the power. Respect. Don't die in fear.
Emergency, community, work together. Tribe. Together. Help. Support.
I've always been fascinated by natural disasters. Envisioned and imagined the calm after the chaos. The rush of energy during. Surrender to nature, to disaster.
This reminds me of a dream I had last night. Surrender to disaster. In the dream I ruined a bridge that everyone was building, it was a community thing. I was going to fall off a cliff or I was going to "contaminate" the bridge, and selfishly I contaminated it. The bridge cracked all the way up from one end to the other. All of the hard work was ruined, and it was all my fault. It was all my fault. People were running around screaming, like a natural disaster had happened. Maybe it was a natural disaster in that world. People were running and yelling, the wind was blowing, it was dark. My boss was so mad at me, I was done. Everyone knew that I was the fool now. No more hiding. I kept telling people "I did it, I wrecked the bridge." "It was me, It's my fault." And, you know whats weird, is that I felt a sense of relief. A weight came off my shoulders because now I wasn't perfect and I couldn't pretend that I was anymore. It was obvious that I was a fuck up. I fucked it up ROYALLY and the whole world could see. I even remember thinking in my dream "Well I'll never be royal now."
So maybe the lesson is that my subconscious wants me to realize that I'm still trying to be perfect. I'm carrying that weight. And I feel it right now, sitting on my shoulders, it digs deep into my bones, into my back, my neck, my muscles, it even is connected to my stomach, my jaw is clenching. I feel I'm on the brink of tears. Like a storm is rising up in me. I have been beating myself up again. Just realized it now. I call myself lazy. I guilt myself. I tell myself I'm a failure and that I should be doing so much more. To be honest, I am tired. I'm always tired. I don't know whats wrong with me, (URCH) well ha. Doesn't that look funny. I know exactly whats wrong with me! I just said that I expect myself to be perfect, and explained all the symptom's which I really had never realized. I hadn't seen it laid out in front of my like that. I love writing. It's therapy.
I am not perfect. I'm scared of not being perfect. I'm scared of doing something wrong, I don't want to be punished. I don't want to be overpowered. I don't want to be yelled at. I don't want dark, thick, menacing energy poured into me.
That's the kicker-- I don't want dark, thick, menacing energy poured into me so I try to be perfect. It will never work, this I know. I can, empower myself to rise up to the energy. I can. I can let it flow right through me without clinging or hanging on.
I'm a fake! I'm a fake, I'm fake! (Just felt the need to get that out.)
I smile, when I feel shitty. I watch what I say, always, I watch what I think even. I watch to see how you are watching me. I'm stiff and stuck. I get trapped in my head, my body wont move.
I want to be a storm and break through. I'm going to wreck myself. I allow the surge of energy into my body. It will destroy the old, it will wash it away. My tribe inside will come together, my community inside. I will fill up with energy, rebirth, cleansed to my new beginnings.
A deep cleanse, Spirit-full.
If I remain the witness I will stay in the eye of the storm. I'll feel it, I embrace it, surrender to it.
Catch my breathe, one swift uplift, when air I can't breathe, and overwhelming calmness comes over me. Deep respect of nature. Deep respect of spirit, life, the Universe. my minds worries are petty. I feel the tidal wave coming for me. Wash me. I embrace you.
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