Death

I thought I was okay with death. But as I saw this morning I am not there yet. I saw a slain wolf on Facebook and my proud friends smiling over the carcass, I couldn't help but cry and sob. I see my kitty laying their dead, I see my wolf-side slain, I see the spiritual leaders that I associate with the wolf, with laying there lifeless. I suppose when I die, rather than people crying over the loss of me, I would like them to stand proud and smile over my body. I would like them to use my body to feed the wolves, to give my lungs to people who cannot breathe, to share my hair among those who cannot grow theirs. Use my teeth as trinkets, reminders of my power, my greatness. Reminders of the miracles of physical bodies. If I had a beautiful fur coat I want them to enjoy it too. I want to keep them warm with the coat I use to wear proudly.

What hurts is that we don't know enough about wolves, but we are quick to acknowledge the dark side of them, and kill them for their "faults." As we do in many other areas of this life, and I suppose that is what truly hurts me. The reality that I see is that we are the reason, we are the cause. Wolves need large roaming areas, one of the largest of all animals. There home range is massive, because they have are roamers, travelers, nomads. We take the lands and claim them as ours, when they are not. The wolves know this. They come to take their birth rights, their means for survival and we blame them.

As I was crying I was trying to figure out "why." The dreaded "WHY! WHY! WHY! Is this world so cruel and understanding? WHY can't I save the world, WHY can't I make it all okay"

This only propelled my tears and sorrow. As soon as I recognized this "why" sorrow filled part of me, I realized it is my ego. My lovely ego friend. I cried with and for my Ego, I did not shrug it off as an over emotional and sensitive side. I cherish my ego. It is also my inner child. Little Anise is sad. She does not like death. I imagined me and little Anise on the couch, crying together. I held her, and I held her tight. I Acknowledged her fears, her compassion and her deep sorrow. She cries and imagines herself as a wolf. Laying on the ground slain, her body draining of its warmth, fire, and life. She imagines people taking pictures with her body, and proud of their kill. She feels NO hatred for the people. She loves the people. She does not even wish anything upon them except love and acceptance. She surrenders to death. She knows she cannot control it. She also knows we all die, She would have died at some point, and in this scenario the Universe has contracted this form of death for her, all for learning purposes. She no longer hates death. Thanks to me! Big Grown up Anise for acknowledging her and allowing her to come to terms with the lack of control we have over death, and how it is BEAUTIFUL. We are dancers in this uni-verse (one song) and we fall when we are meant to. We are caught by the crowd below us that we cannot see. They comfort us, they hold us tighter than possible on earth. They wrap us in Grace, they fill us up again, with our renewed death. Oh beautiful young death.

The lone wolf represents me.

"I am a wolf, you may slaughter me"

This does not mean that my inner child looks for death, or tells people, you may kill me. She does not lay her head and wait for death. But she recognizes that when death comes for her, all she can do is surrender. Be humble, be thankful for all that is, and what is to come. She knows once shes gone from this physical plane she will soar among spirit again. Perhaps the wolf was ready to go. It knew what was waiting on the other side. The lone wolf was ready to meet its heart, soul and be part of the all-knowing again. This wolf is gone, perhaps its spirit is with me now, and she is telling me to embrace life, which in turn means embracing death. 

It seems that death is all around me now. My garden is dying. The tomato vines are brown and hanging pulled down by the weight of the green rotting tomatoes that once thought perhaps they would turn red and return to the ground as seeds. The sunflowers are still blooming, but the earlier blooms hang their heads now, toward the ground rather than the sun they once praised. Their petals have fallen. They know they are no longer young and beautiful. They ask me if I will still love them, and I radiate YES, my beauties you are always beautiful to me. When you die, I will carry on your legacy with your seeds of life.

It seems like many people are feeling death these days. I am in touch with a blogger who recently faced the fears of her own death, and released it all back into the earth. Just this morning I read another death related post on Facebook from a friend who has lost someone, and her new outlook on life and how precious it is to live and not make excuses anymore. I turned on the tv, and there was "Long Island Medium" the show all about death and the messages our loved ones want us to receive. The biggest most prominent message I see is that our loved ones want us to "EMBRACE LIFE."

Embrace life to the fullest. Cry when you need to. Embrace all aspects of yourself. Embrace death. Embrace endings, know that life is not linear like we may believe. Life is eternal, it is a circle, there is no end in a circle. Death is the birth of new. Death is like the caterpillar turning to a butterfly. The caterpillar has no idea, it thinks it is dying in its cocoon. It surrenders to the plan greater than it, and it awakens into a beautiful flying being. Free to soar and spread its beauty. I often think that butterfly's are messages from spirits and from the spirit realm. Butterfly's are an example of life after death, and how amazing our true selves are.