dont be afraid to feel ---from "the mind unleashed"

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In a society that's completely focused on stopping people from feeling any real emotions at all, it's important for us to take time and remember that it's okay to feel. Through emotion you can figure things out. It's one of the secrets to expanding your consciousness. Let it flow freely.

“Anger is like flowing water; there's nothing wrong with it as long as you let it flow. Hate is like stagnant water; anger that you denied yourself the freedom to feel, the freedom to flow; water that you gathered in one place and left to forget. Stagnant water becomes dirty, stinky, disease-ridden, poisonous, deadly; that is your hate. On flowing water travels little paper boats; paper boats of forgiveness. Allow yourself to feel anger, allow your waters to flow, along with all the paper boats of forgiveness. Be human.”
― C. JoyBell C

Kick up some trouble

The girl who makes her parents proud by being a good girl all the time and internalizing her anger and feelings ends up developing breast cancer. The girl who makes everyone pissed off at her and drives them nuts is the girl who gets what she wants out of life and is healthy.

I'm kicking up some trouble --- i don't care about what others think of me. 

I am my natural and authentic self,

I don't care about the impression I make, instead I care about my expression. "Expression not impression." When I'm nervous and trying to impress or control how people think of me, I become inauthentic. I am analyzing everything and my actions are stifled. When I Focus on my expression to authentically connect with people (Like when walking into a room thinking "I'm so glad I came, I'm going to have so much fun, I wonder what new connections/friends I will make) I get more out of life. My thoughts affect my feelings and how I feel dictates the actions I make. I'm much more likely to go out there, and go for it if my thoughts are focused on the opportunities that are open to me, rather than the impression I'm trying to make.

 I don't care what other people think!

What a feeling

No regrets

Id rather regret saying what was on my mind,

than regret not saying anything at all.

I'd rather regret messing up on something,

than regret not trying at all.

I'd rather regret falling for him like a fool,

than regret not getting to love him at all.

But most of all id rather not regret, so I won't!

I use to sing

I use to sing.

Before I could even spoke words, I use to hum myself to sleep.
Before I could even speak sentences, I sang myself to sleep.
Before I could even write, I wrote a song.

No one showed me how,
I didnt depend on my parents to encourage me although they did encourage me and I appreciate that
But I didn`t NEED it,
I didnt need approval of how I sounded or the words I sang,
I believed in myself. I trusted myself.
And I sang for me.

I grew up and denied myself. I thought I was a freak and I let that stop me. I felt the powerful feel of fear and I put labels on myself. I judged myself and then others judged me. I blamed myself and then believed they blamed me to. I hated myself. I even developed voices in my head. They told me I was stupid, beyond stupid, horrible, awful, ugly, they told me I was a disappointment. I believed them so much I became incapacitated every-time I heard them. I couldn't even lift my head.

The voices were me. When I let in the doubt, the guilt, the fear and judgement. I let in that part of me. When your six years old and the world becomes no longer a bright-rose-coloured-game and your family disintegrates across an ocean. When Grandparents are no longer down the road. When everyone is hurt beyond belief. And you don't know how to believe anymore. What is love, when love let us separate. I turned my back on myself. I took everything in and didnt let any of it out.

I have spoken of this but Ive also been ashamed. Too ashamed to DEAL with it. To let it go. You cant hide things you dont like and expect them to go away. You will never heal yourself if you dont talk about it, write about it, acknowledge it, love it, and release it. I will never heal myself unless I do this. That is why I'm writing this.

Without your wound where would your power be?

There is a story called Bethesda by Thornton Wilder that was taken from the Bible (I think John's chapter) that is about a wounded healer. 

The theme explored here, that to heal one must suffer, recurs throughout Wilder's plays and novels.

The story of Bethesda is about a Doctor who comes periodically to the pool of Bethesda. The pool of Bethesda is a healing pool. When the angel comes and disturbs the water the first man to enter the water is healed of his afflictions. Hoping to be the first in the water and healed of his melancholy the Doctor arrives very early and is first to the waters this day. The angel appears but blocks the physician at the moment he is ready to step into the pool and be healed. He cries to her that just because he is a doctor doesn't mean he doesn't need healing too. the angel tells him that without his wound he would not be as effective as a healer.

Angel: "Healing is not for you."

Physician: "Surely, surely, the angels are wise. Surely, O Prince, you are not deceived by my apparent wholeness. Your eyes can see the nets in which my wings are caught; the sin into which all my endeavors sink half-performed cannot be concealed from you."

Angel: "I know."

Physician: "Oh, in such an hour was I born, and doubly fearful to me is the flaw in my heart. Must I drag my shame, Prince and Singer, all my days more bowed than my neighbor?"

Angel: "Without your wound where would your power be? It is your very remorse that makes your low voice tremble into the hearts of men. The very angels themselves cannot persuade the wretched and blundering children on earth as can one human being broken on the wheels of living. In Love’s service only the wounded soldiers can serve. Draw back."

Later, the person who enters the pool first and was healed rejoices in his good fortune then turns to the physician before leaving and said:
"But come with me first, an hour only, to my home. My son is lost in dark thoughts. I -- I do not understand him, and only you have ever lifted his mood. My daughter, since her child has died, sits in the shadow. She will not listen to us but she will listen to you."

For me, this story has made all the difference and, because the message of this excerpt—“Without your wound where would your power be?“—carries so much meaning for me, I know that I am wounded but instead of striving for the ultimate day when I will be "all better now" I know that I can heal while Im wounded.

Bernie Siegal is a MD who did a lecture for IIN my Health Coach School. He told us that story. He says the wounded healers are the most effective healers because people know they can relate. 

He says there was a health coach who was so healthy and happy but he was having a hard time getting clients so Bernie told him to put a bandage over his eye for a week and see what happens. That week the health coach got his first 4 clients. It was because they were able to see that he understand their pain and where they are at because he suffers to. 

Here is a link about Bethesda if youre interested 

http://www.thorntonwilder.com/playlets/the-angel-that-troubled-the-waters.html

from my heart

This post doesnt need any pictures or fancy titles. Its from my heart.


Its funny when you find what you really want. What you dream of, wish for. And then you meet everyone elses skepticism because they mistake your enthusiasm for naivety. Its sad when you believe them and doubt yourself. Its awful to be fearful and let your fears get in the way, especially without realizing. Its paralyzing to continue further and lose what you think you wanted when you finally got it. But its indescribable when you realize the more you lose the more you gain, when you are stripped away of everything, and you remember what it felt like to be a kid. Dependent yet confident, unknowing yet trusting. Its beautiful to see the falseness of all your blockages and walls. The beliefs and limitations. All this time Ive searched outside of me. When everything I ever wanted is in me. Its funny, 23 and I finally trust myself.