37 reasons why you want to hire me

37 reasons why you want to hire me (to write);

1. I am a young, vibrant, creative woman with a flare and natural ability to express myself through writing. I am constantly changing. evolving and growing. My life is a series of revelations, breakthroughs and realizations. 
2. I believe in miracles, and I notice them. Gratitude is my attitude.
3. My artistic abilities are endless. Creativity is the name of my game. 
4. I learn from everything that happens and how I react to them. I crave to learn and am willing to learn.
5. I am one of the most passionate and sensitive people you will ever know. I know my faults and I am not scared of them anymore. We all have faults. I am scatterbrained at times (because I have so many things to think about and know more about). I am messy- its an artistic thing, and I am learning how being clean and organized helps me flow so much better. I am sensitive and sometimes over-sensitive. I'm not perfect but often I feel that I should be (I am working on accepting myself the way I am.) I don't always give myself the credit I deserve (which I'm also working on.) Sometimes its not about being the best, its about being yourself. That is the most beautiful person you can be; Yourself.
6. I speak and write with riddles and sunshine. My writing flows beautifully. I am told I am gifted with words. Words are the air I breathe, yet I am always striving for better understanding of how to express myself.
7. When I put it down on paper, it all comes together. I can see so much clearer when it's laid out in front of me rather than bouncing around in my head. 
8. My wisdom is beyond my earthly age. I am only 24 years old.
9. I will surprise you, often in ways you never expected.
10. I live, act and write through Inspiration that is not of this world (Inspiration = In spirit). I know how to tap into Inspiration and I find a great joy in supporting others to tap into their inspirational flows.
11. I am unstoppable.
12. I am only starting to know my inner power- watch out world- a star is being born.
13. I am kind, compassionate, and caring to my very core.
14. My greatest wish is PEACE for everyone and everything. I want to do good for everything and everyone I come in contact with.
15. I write my heart out daily, nightly, I even write in my sleep. My dreams come alive and feed my soul.
16. When I'm not writing, I'm trying to remember the inspiration that just came to me, so I can write it down later.
17. You want to see me flourish. You want to support my dream of making a living while writing so I can share my gift without being zapped of energy from a "day job." You are Inspired by me, and you see so many other who are as well. You see the value in my work.
18. I am meant for this. I am a writer. I know my greatness, I feel my huge potential, all I need is someone to trust me and give me a chance. It will happen, I know it.
19. I am knowledgeable and passionate about many topics including; Alternative health, fitness, philosophy, environmental topics, body language, yoga (especially yin yoga!), expression, spirituality, art, nature, animals, magic, miracles, love, sex, people, birth, death, cycles, childhood, trauma, pain, pleasure, teaching, learning, dance, music...and I can go on. 
20. I paint pictures in your mind using only words. My brush strokes fill your senses and the fresh paint entices your wonder.
21. I don't know it all.
22. I try to see from everyone's perspective. I put myself in your shoes.
23. My heart is HUGE. I truly and utterly CARE. 
24. I am gifted with simplicity.
25. I flow with life. I strive to live a love-based life rather than a fear-based life. It may seem like my head is in the clouds, but I am also grounded to mother earth with roots of sensibility. What may be real to you may be an illusion to me. What may be an Illusion to you, may be real to me. 
26. No one can take my dreams from me. If you tell me "I can't", I show you how "I can." 
27. Nothing is for sure. Nothing is solid or fact. Everything is energy- and even that I do not know for sure.
28. You have been searching for me, although you may not know it. You will know it, once I fill that Anise-shaped-hole you never knew you had. I am the missing piece. (You are also my missing piece.)
29. My life will never be the same, and neither will yours. 
30. If I was you, I'd give me a chance.
31. I contribute ALL I can.
32. If I am valued and appreciated I will shine so bright you will be warm from my glow.
33. This is what I've always wanted. This is my life theme. I've moved from one love or passion, to the next, but always wrote about it. Now, I see, this is it. Writing is my calling. 
34. I speak my truth. 
35. I have many loves of my life, I LOVE a lot. I've always got more love to give.
36. You won't be disappointed.
37. You already want to hire me.

37 wishes

37 wishes;

1. To sing my heart out, beautifully, with CONFIDENCE.
2. To hear my voice the way I know I can hear it inside.
3. To active my inner power and have oodles of money.
4. To live and love with Kiel, for a long long time.
5. To continue spiritually awakening and realizing my consciousness.
6. To work through my issues, have my answers about past lives and pains answered so I may string everything together and see it as the intricate web it is.
7. To see energy better, more clearer
8. To understand more about how I am an energetic sponge and how to harness my abilities
9. Harness my spiritual gifts
10. Make a living doing what I love
    
11. Have a beautiful HOME that is mine and Kiel's 
12. Write books, write blogs, write children stories, write poems, songs and be appreciated for them
13. Express all that's inside me, all the greatness and the potential
14. To be valued and appreciated
15. To support and encourage the Universe, The Earth, the sun, the moon, the stars
16. Share and spread love and light
17. To give my family money to buy homes and live close to each other so we can all be together
18. TOGETHERNESS
19. Interconnectedness
20. Health and Happiness
21. Never stop Dreaming and never feel shame for my dreams
22. Be wild
23. Be FREE
24. Freedom, flying. I wish to fly again
25. Swim underwater and breathe
26. Play with the sea and its inhabitants 
27. Swirl with white fabrics in gleams of sunlight with the warm wind flowing through
28. To have an abundance of freedom in everything we do
29. To flow with life and love
30. To learn everything we will
31. To change our lives, create beautiful and meaningful moments
32. To drive fast 
33. Not care what others think of us
34. To be free of our minds, and everyone else's too
35. To be creative and artistic in art, music, dance, and ways I can't even fathom
36. To grow beautiful plants, flowers, trees, herbs, shrubs, succulents, and flora
37. To be Grateful every minute, for everything I have and am

Death

I thought I was okay with death. But as I saw this morning I am not there yet. I saw a slain wolf on Facebook and my proud friends smiling over the carcass, I couldn't help but cry and sob. I see my kitty laying their dead, I see my wolf-side slain, I see the spiritual leaders that I associate with the wolf, with laying there lifeless. I suppose when I die, rather than people crying over the loss of me, I would like them to stand proud and smile over my body. I would like them to use my body to feed the wolves, to give my lungs to people who cannot breathe, to share my hair among those who cannot grow theirs. Use my teeth as trinkets, reminders of my power, my greatness. Reminders of the miracles of physical bodies. If I had a beautiful fur coat I want them to enjoy it too. I want to keep them warm with the coat I use to wear proudly.

What hurts is that we don't know enough about wolves, but we are quick to acknowledge the dark side of them, and kill them for their "faults." As we do in many other areas of this life, and I suppose that is what truly hurts me. The reality that I see is that we are the reason, we are the cause. Wolves need large roaming areas, one of the largest of all animals. There home range is massive, because they have are roamers, travelers, nomads. We take the lands and claim them as ours, when they are not. The wolves know this. They come to take their birth rights, their means for survival and we blame them.

As I was crying I was trying to figure out "why." The dreaded "WHY! WHY! WHY! Is this world so cruel and understanding? WHY can't I save the world, WHY can't I make it all okay"

This only propelled my tears and sorrow. As soon as I recognized this "why" sorrow filled part of me, I realized it is my ego. My lovely ego friend. I cried with and for my Ego, I did not shrug it off as an over emotional and sensitive side. I cherish my ego. It is also my inner child. Little Anise is sad. She does not like death. I imagined me and little Anise on the couch, crying together. I held her, and I held her tight. I Acknowledged her fears, her compassion and her deep sorrow. She cries and imagines herself as a wolf. Laying on the ground slain, her body draining of its warmth, fire, and life. She imagines people taking pictures with her body, and proud of their kill. She feels NO hatred for the people. She loves the people. She does not even wish anything upon them except love and acceptance. She surrenders to death. She knows she cannot control it. She also knows we all die, She would have died at some point, and in this scenario the Universe has contracted this form of death for her, all for learning purposes. She no longer hates death. Thanks to me! Big Grown up Anise for acknowledging her and allowing her to come to terms with the lack of control we have over death, and how it is BEAUTIFUL. We are dancers in this uni-verse (one song) and we fall when we are meant to. We are caught by the crowd below us that we cannot see. They comfort us, they hold us tighter than possible on earth. They wrap us in Grace, they fill us up again, with our renewed death. Oh beautiful young death.

The lone wolf represents me.

"I am a wolf, you may slaughter me"

This does not mean that my inner child looks for death, or tells people, you may kill me. She does not lay her head and wait for death. But she recognizes that when death comes for her, all she can do is surrender. Be humble, be thankful for all that is, and what is to come. She knows once shes gone from this physical plane she will soar among spirit again. Perhaps the wolf was ready to go. It knew what was waiting on the other side. The lone wolf was ready to meet its heart, soul and be part of the all-knowing again. This wolf is gone, perhaps its spirit is with me now, and she is telling me to embrace life, which in turn means embracing death. 

It seems that death is all around me now. My garden is dying. The tomato vines are brown and hanging pulled down by the weight of the green rotting tomatoes that once thought perhaps they would turn red and return to the ground as seeds. The sunflowers are still blooming, but the earlier blooms hang their heads now, toward the ground rather than the sun they once praised. Their petals have fallen. They know they are no longer young and beautiful. They ask me if I will still love them, and I radiate YES, my beauties you are always beautiful to me. When you die, I will carry on your legacy with your seeds of life.

It seems like many people are feeling death these days. I am in touch with a blogger who recently faced the fears of her own death, and released it all back into the earth. Just this morning I read another death related post on Facebook from a friend who has lost someone, and her new outlook on life and how precious it is to live and not make excuses anymore. I turned on the tv, and there was "Long Island Medium" the show all about death and the messages our loved ones want us to receive. The biggest most prominent message I see is that our loved ones want us to "EMBRACE LIFE."

Embrace life to the fullest. Cry when you need to. Embrace all aspects of yourself. Embrace death. Embrace endings, know that life is not linear like we may believe. Life is eternal, it is a circle, there is no end in a circle. Death is the birth of new. Death is like the caterpillar turning to a butterfly. The caterpillar has no idea, it thinks it is dying in its cocoon. It surrenders to the plan greater than it, and it awakens into a beautiful flying being. Free to soar and spread its beauty. I often think that butterfly's are messages from spirits and from the spirit realm. Butterfly's are an example of life after death, and how amazing our true selves are.

Picture time

This is me after I "found myself" (I realized that one of my beloved guides that I adored is actually MY spirit!) I wept, I laughed, I felt proud, and in my power. Able to feel my capability, my value, and my beauty.

                           

Sunflowers in the Garden are MIGHTY tall!

Get out that frustration Girl!

Tag along from the Grape Vine, I thought it looked like a crown

Will you still love me, when I'm no longer young and beautiful?

YES Dear Sunflower

Thanks for checking out my Blog! Lots of Love to ya!

A few facets of me

My mind has been whirl wind lately and I haven't given myself the chance to truly come down until yesterday. I'm seeing a fog in my head again, I am trusting it is part of the process. In order to experience seeing clearly one must learn what it is to see fog. A grey swirling smog that surrounds my head. Sunshine pours through at times, streaming with its lovely warmth. The whole picture will be revealed only when I am ready to see it.

I have been learning a lot about my Ego. My ego is not bad, and neither is yours. Ego's are our minds, are minds are not bad. I'm learning to love my Ego. My Ego is my friend, and protector.

Becoming aware of myself from an outside perspective is how I slow my ego right down. I move away from judging things good or bad, I stop commenting, stop spitting out my perspective, my ideas, my experiences. I start to just be. Allowing everything that is happening to happen and simply observing it.

I had a dream about it suddenly being my 25th Birthday. I was shocked, I kept checking over and over, it's my birthday? I'm 25?! It felt like 25 was a BIG year for me. It felt like, 25 was monumental, It was a soul remembering thing. My soul knows 25 means something in this life. I feel the best year ever coming on. A point in my life, in the dream I couldn't believe it. It was an awakening, I'm not sure of the complete meaning yet, but I've had many signs and reminders. It seems to have some value, this dream of mine.

Being a model. I have always wanted to be a model but I use think I wasn't pretty enough. Now I accept myself and my beautiful body. I would love to have more photos of me, with "spirit junkie" themes. Like Goddess photo shoots outdoors, in nature, in the ocean, with crystals, doing yoga, playing guitar, meditating. I love my body, and it's pretty fun being able to learn about different angles and lines in my face and body. I feel like my body and body language is just another form of art. I am a unique flower, and so are you. I also had the inspiration of dressing differently, parting and styling my hair differently, and playing with makeup to produce completely different visual effects each day. Just to shake things up. Keep people guessing, keep myself guessing. I am a spirit with many other expressions than the simple "Anise" card I have been playing. There is so much more to me! Although I do love Anise every bit, There's just so much more than the security of my ego saying "this is your box, your walls are your labels, and you will be comfortable in here, you'll be safe." Thank- you Ego, I appreciate it so very much. But now I'd like to plunge into my life and spirit completely. I'm ready to live outside the lines, outside the box, outside the labels. I transcend beyond words, perceptions and opinions. I am a star. A huge energy ball with intricate and complex facets and portals. I am a multidimensional being, here to shine the brightness of the Universe and its Radiant LOVE. And so are you.

THE ART OF ASKING

Ask without shame, When we really see each other, We want to help each other.

I watched this video, and I don't have words to describe the feeling. It's like I found another piece of myself. He talk is an amazing message, her way of expressing herself is very similar to mine, and I love her ambiance. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TT6qWghHkFI 

A few notes I took from the 18-ish min video;

Speak your truth and time will expand

Share my truth and I will be of the highest service

Where would you have me go, 

what would you have me say, 

what would you have me wear? 

Whatever you WANT. (what feels good, what feels the best, because that is guidance communicating to you a big; YES!)

1. Willingness to change-  "I am ready to change"

2. Full blown surrender - "I surrender to what I cannot control, I know when to know if I am powerless or not and when I am I will not harm myself by trying to interfere, I Surrender to the highest good. 

3. Forgiveness is a full time job - "I forgive everyone, I forgive you, I forgive myself all day long."

4. Expect Miracles - "I see miracles! It's a miracle! I am a miracle. Miracles are everywhere."

One last thing. Seriously, Lets Goof around!!
Dance! Now! 2 minutes, put a song on you love that gets you moving, and shake it! Smile. Receive the awesome miracles that is this earthly experience!

My ego rears it's ugly and beautiful heads, and I am neither.

Today before I really start my day I gotta write this out so I don't lose it along the journey of my awakening. This weekend I have shifted and opened so much more. It's exciting and amazing, and surprising yet familiar.

1. My Rose Quartz heart necklace broke, it fell off my neck and smashed on the tile. It was a gift from a friend I met 3 summers ago and worked with. She is a free spirit and colourful inspiring person to be around. I'm not sure why it broke, the sense from it was that my heart is going to break. I'm choosing to not think of it as a bad way. Maybe my heart will break so it can heal up better than it was before, a new heart, a divine heart. Perhaps it was just the high vibrations that made it smash. I know during a video I watched with Teal Scott one of her crystals shattered because there was a very strong energy from a guide in the room and guides vibrate highly. Crystals vibrate highly as well so the energy can be transferred to the crystal and be too high causing it to shatter. I don't believe in coincidences anymore, so I know its something. 

2. I became obsessed with the twin flame idea. Originally when I found out about twin flame/soul I loved the concept. The first concept I conceptualized is that my twin flame is a part of me, its not any other person. Like my masculinity is right here with me now, inside me, outside me, balancing with my yin (femininity).

I am very yin, but I also have a little yang. I'd like to balance them out better. Then my second idea or evolving idea of twin flame was that yes it could be another person, that the soul split into feminine and masculine and very rarely will come down to earth (or physical manifestation) together. I thought that it was true but I didn't have a twin myself. Then my third evolving idea of the twin flame/soul is that maybe I do have a twin. (even though I had already drempt that I didn't, and that it is all in me, I just need to activate it, when I'm ready.) But I love the idea of it, a mirror, someone who understands you to the core. I also know that twin flame relationships are extremely hard because you are basically dating yourself, so all of your flaws are staring right back at you....literally. I was glad that I don't have a twin flame but at the same time I fixated myself a little bit onto this guy I rarely know, and wished that he was my twin flame. I think he may have been thinking it too, and I picked that up. Sometimes its hard to tell who's emotion or thoughts it is. Because if it was me who felt it first, I would radiate it outward to him, and my body language would communicate it, (and if hes at all intuitive which I'm pretty sure he is) then he would pick up that vibration and then I would pick up his vibration of my vibration and thus it would be amplified that much more. OK, crazy right? Thats one of those things that goes around in my head but is so complicated and hard to explain. So, back to my story, I began daydreaming of this guy being my twin flame (and yes I have Kiel in my life already-whom I freaking adore and love to the max) so I envisioned this twin being like a brother energy, full on twin energy or I imagined him sweeping me off my feet and away from everything hard in my life. REALITY CHECK. If was my twin flame, life would not be easier! And, no one but me can sweep me off my feet. I was seeing signs like twins, 2 flames burning side by side, I felt like it was twin flame signs. I never really got excited about it though, I acted excited at a few points, but I was kinda disconnected to my spirit. It didn't feel right, or fit. Usually if its right, you know its right. So, now my evolved feeling about twin flames is that everyone who you are in a relationship with are your twin match for that time. We are all sending out vibrations of how we feel, what we want, whatever is in our head that we are really feeling. We attract whatever those vibrations are because vibrations have to match up in order for them to connect. So whatever I am putting out into the world is mirroring back to me. Therefore, Kiel is my twin flame at this time.

3. Mirrors. Reflection, ripple, yin-yang, balance.
It seems like balance is really speaking to me, I have mastered being imbalanced, now I am moving on to balance.

You can do this exercise next time you feel like you are a certain way, but don't want to be like that anymore.

Fill in the blanks and say out loud, or write it down, or write in your head, sing it, see it, plant it, grow it!
I have mastered _______________
now I'm moving on to ________________.

Examples of my own.
I have mastered being imbalanced,
now I am moving on to balance.

I have mastered having my solar plexus chakra blocked,
now I am moving on to an open solar plexus.

I have mastered being scattered and everywhere, like a chariot out of control, coming from all different directions, now I am moving on to connecting all the dots, having a clean, clear space to SEE myself, not a fuzzy cloud of confusion.

I love this exercise because it confirms that what I am now is still good, "I have mastered" implies even though it may be something you don't like, it is still good that you learned it. We are here to learn! "Now I am moving to" is a positive shift to the future and its not like "one day I will be" which implies Im not it yet. I already have it all in me, I just need to activate it. We all have everything IN us. We just activate different parts, perspectives, feelings, energy frequencies. I also love this exercise is that it came to me! I came up with it.

4. Energy Frequencies! I have found my portal. Its literally been staring me in the face since I was born. It's so funny. I love how there are signs and solutions smack dab in our faces and yet we still don't see them. Anyways, I can see energy. All I have to do, is close my eyes.

That saying by Rumi, Close both eyes to see with the third eye.
I have written that saying so many times, I have thought it, I have known it, and yet I still didn't get it (and didn't know that I didn't get it until now.) When I close my eyes I can see dances of light and static. I see it right now too. But its easier to really see the patterns with my eyes closed- at least for now. Im sure I'll work my way up to where I  don't need to close my eyes. What do I see? Ha, its hard to explain because you won't get it, until you see it, just like how I didn't and the thing is is that you think you do get it! Oh the world, perspective. So many different meanings and values for the same thing. I will try to explain it in one sentence what I see. Dancing dots of different coloured kinds of light like stars, all dancing in-sync all static like tv static, floating effortlessly into shapes, patterns, unexplainable cycles and stories. 

5. I am disgusted by meat. Even eggs. My stomach is churning, my body is changing. Old things are falling to the way side. My body is communicating to me and I am listening. Mostly.

6. My ego is rearing its ugly and beautiful heads, and I'm neither.
After seeking outside of myself for so long I finally understand that the only person who can save me is me. I take responsibility of my ego mind. I am starting to understand and dis-identify with my mind. I meditate to find who I am. I am beginning to see how my ego mind creates all my problems and keeps me suffering. The pain of Introspection at this point is intensifying. It is becoming more difficult to remain a detached witness to my deeply ingrained behavioral patterns. As I continue to cultivate my inner witness I realize how crucial it is in spiritual awakening. To move into that ultimate scary consciousness of darkness, your worst fears. I take full responsibility for my pain and suffering (I said this before but I feel the need to say it over and over.) Through detached observation my sense of self-identity will begin to break down and what I think I know about myself will no longer seem true. I realize the more I know, the less I know.

People steal stuff

This morning I woke up to My Dad and Kiel yelling outside. I flashed out of my slumber and felt my heart jump into my chest like I was really scared. At first I thought Kiel and my Dad were fighting, fist fighting. It turned out to be just a young guy trying to steal my bike. Kiel and my Dad were yelling at the guy, not each other. Everything turned out fine, and I still have my bike. Yay! Honestly I'm just so glad it wasn't them two fighting, I'm so glad nobody got hurt.

Now that they've both gone off to work, I realize that my fear this morning wasn't my fear. I have no fear that Kiel and my Dad may get into a fight. I just can't see it happening, not at all. Even if they did get into a fist fight, both have strong hearts and consciences. I can't see it really getting anywhere. But when I bolted out of bed I was afraid before I even knew what was happening. I was really afraid.

Perhaps, I was feeling for that guy who was trying to steal my bike. He was scared and took off running when my Dad and Kiel were yelling at him.

So you see, how easy it is for me to not be angry? I don't ever want revenge. I have never wanted revenge. (I guess I should be careful when I say that because it seems that when I claim something with a "never, always, or hat" the Universe perks its ears as says "Wah? She thinks she always does that, or never does it, or she thinks she hates it? Lets give her a taste of the other side. Whenever I have a set way of thinking about something the Universe loves to change my perspective.") I don't really care if that guy took my bike or not. What I am more thankful for is that Kiel didn't punch him in the face or anything. One thing that kinda bugs me is that my Dad called him a "Low Life" as the guy was running away. That stings. It stings me! Just because he decided to try and take a bike this morning doesn't mean that he is under us. It doesn't mean that he's any less than us. I mean have you ever stolen something? I bet you have. I have.

I don't care what you do. I mean I care, sure thin gs may piss me off, or rattle me. Mainly though, I care about you. I care about your soul, I know that we are all one. I know that if I hate you, I am hating aspects of myself. If I accept you, and send love to you, like I want to, I am accepting and loving myself.

How you treat others is a direct representation of how you treat yourself.

This is what I know to be true for me. Since finding out I'm an Empath, I can make sense of these little things and reactions I have. Normally I would have analyzed the situation and probably thought, "why was I so scared? I'm such a scardy cat for no reason." Instead of going down this self criticizing road, now I can be amazed that I felt that person emotion! It really does help. I could have hated that guy, wanted him to hurt or have some sort of punishment, (although I think running like a madman from Kiel was punishment enough) but since I felt how scared he was, I know he was shaking in his boots, like he's just a kid.)

Being an Empath is like finding the yellow brick road to loving yourself; through others.

It's no wonder I can never stay mad at anyone. I feel what they feel. Unless they are feeling hella angry, then yeah I guess I do get angry. I think the worst is when someone is hurt, because then I feel hurt and I disn't know why, I just knew I felt really hurt. It's amazing now, in the past few days (I've only clued in that I am an Empath for 4 days now) I have realized that People hide their emotions more than you can imagine. I thought all along that I was seriously crazy. Seriously. I tell people I'm crazy. I thought man I cannot control my emotions at all! People would be acting fine, and I would be feeling a temper tantrum, or overwhelming anxiety and stress. It turns out, on the inside the people are throwing temper tantrums and feel mass amounts of stress! This kinda sucks, but I mean its nice to know, I'm not the only one! Not only do I have my own tantrums and stress explosions, I pick up yours too. Or I use to, now I am learning the tools to recognize when its not my emotion and how to deal. Speaking of how to deal, lets get into that.

How I am learning to deal with my emotions and others emotions.

First off, I found out there are 2 kinds of Empaths, there are Empaths who know what your feeling and Empaths who feel what your feeling. I am a feeler. I feel ya. So like this morning, I didn't wake up knowing someone was scared, I woke up feeling scared.

1. Turn my dail up.
I find this so helpful. Imagine there are 2 dials like below, that represent information that is coming to you. Imagine 0 is nothing and 10 is maximum. Now turn down others all the way to 0, and turn me (or you if you are doing this exercise) all the way up to 10. If you can't quiet imagine others all the way to 0, but you can imagine 1 or 2 that's cool too, you'll get to 0 at one point.

  
http://www.eliselebeau.com/empaths/empath-survival-program/technique-1
The link above is from the site I got the tips from

2. Expand myself
This one I just leaned yesterday. So cool, I love it! so imagine your a bunch of particles/atoms/tiny balls of energy. The denser your particles are, the harsher incoming vibes are for you. If your particles are expanded outwards, incoming vibes can just weave their way through you and not affect you. Imagine your particles expanding outward. You can go out as much as you want, your body, your aura, the room, the building, the city!

I did this yesterday, and then I realized how good it felt to expand my energy. So good. Makes me feel light and airy. Remember to ground yourself, so that your not all whirl windy in your mind. (To ground yourself, just think of the colour red, think of your roots that go down to the earth, you are grounded to the earth, and it is sweet. Earth is your buffer, it can take your toxins for you without harming the earth. Remaining grounded helps you make decisions, see clearly and feeling connected, and on purpose.

I just came across this picture, and it reminded me about yesterday.



Yesterday, I was expanding my energy and I imagined sending my energy outward, like pulses, like shock waves, except unlike this photo my energy waves went out my sides like a ripple effect not upward.

Ripple Effect, I like that. Reminds me of the other day when I took these picture.

Well thats it for now!

Angel beauty

How gorgeous is this!! Beyond beautiful

I found out something new about myself that's not very new about myself

I found out something new about myself that's not very new about myself. It's that I'm am Empath. A person with empathic abilities. We can all empathize (most of us can at least). Some of us feel a whole lot more than empathy. Empaths feel for the cars, the houses, they feel for you when they feel your energy, when you walk in the room, or the house. They feel for the dog who wants to go for a walk, they hear you speak before you say it (energetically they know what your going to discuss.) They almost seem like they see things before they happen. That is me.

Not many people know about Empaths. Even this spell checker wants to tell me its not a word. I've been this way all my life and never understood why. Now I know why. When I lived around a person with rage, I had a few raging episodes myself. I though it was just who I am, but now that I'm away from the rage, and have been for years, I don't feel like that was actually a part of me, because there is no root. I go deeper, to find the pain, and its all just fine. It wasn't my emotion.

Energetically, I am a sponge.

I even pick up storm energy, pressure changes, and moisture in the air. My Arthritis hurts and lets me know change is coming. Now that I know why, that its the energy from them, the differences in the energy. I can listen, I can harness my abilities! All this time, I have this amazing gift and I thought it was a flaw. I thought I was too sensitive, too emotionally driven. I have come to love those aspects of myself, but I still kinda had the "why me?" feeling about it. Why does everything seem SO BIG to me? I thought. Well the answer is because I pick up other peoples energy. That's why I often have a hard time around worriers, I end up worrying. When I hang around positive people, I become more positive, I feel full and light after spending time with them.

The crazy thing is that I'm not only picking up people's energies, I'm picking up things energies. Like the bed, that I had been cursing because at night I smack my arms and legs on the dresser drawers (the bed is too close- I'm in the middle of moving), and I send bitterness energy to the bed. The other night as I lay, I could feel the beds energy. I felt slight feelings of unworthiness, and "I'm not good enough's" and "must try harder's." I had just centered myself and felt good with myself until I layed on the bed. It didn't feel like it was my emotion. (I'm asking myself "is that my emotion" a lot since being guided to see that I am an energetic sponge.) So, I remembered back to what an intuitive healer told me, that he could pick up the energies of the beds, tables, floors, objects, you name it. At the time, to be honest, I didn't believe him. My ego was in the way (which is fine, because everything happens exactly when its suppose to.) My ego was in the way, but deep down I kinda believed him. My rational mind shook its head and laughed, but my spirit was like "yeah!! Remember! everything is energy!"

Another thing I should say, is that this did not come to me through research. I do research a lot. But this realization that I am an empath did not come from any outer experience.
It came from me. I dreampt about it several times, until I finally just sat with the feeling. Then I centered myself (ran through my chakras, from root chakra all the way up to crown and my aura.) And tapped into my breathing. I felt that inner sense of knowing, and calmness. Strength, warmth and acceptance. I saw visions with my imagination, I can describe them, but I can only describe the feeling. It was like a windstorm and I felt it all. Then I was out of my body, and I was watching everyone, and I could see how I was being affected by even a thought. Without any protective barrier, I felt the energy of the other peoples thoughts and I actually thought they were my own thoughts! Then I went through my past. I can't remember what I saw but I remember feeling like WHOA this is insane this changes everything, everything makes sense, oh wow I'm so excited to put this to practice! I felt free, like all these ties were undone now, and I can stand!

I pick up animals energy, peoples energy, atmospheric energy, I pick up energy from objects.
So much of my life is making sense. So many little things all stringing together now, so intricate and interconnected.

I can pick up the energy of my guides!

I can create an energetic shield/filter/bubble to keep out the "icky" energies that need not come through (of course I'm still gonna receive "icky" energy, it is a huge part of life.) but the ones that overwhelm me so I can't even contain my own energy, or hear my own energy, I can block those out.
It makes sense why I burnt out. Why my fire came to a smolder a year ago after I immersed myself in so many people's energies constantly. No wonder I love Galiano, the space, the energies of the forest, the beach, the energies of the Island people. The energies of the birds, the sunlight, the waves.
No wonder when I was a kid I was often on my own, and loved to play independently. No wonder I needed time alone. No wonder I get drained from crowds! I am tired after family get togethers, more so lately, completely exhausted.
It's no wonder I love wind so much. Its energy! I always say the wind energizes me. 

Basically, I am impacted with /blessed with winds all day long. Wind from Kiel, wind from the bed, wind from outside, wind from the cat, the computer, the garden, the bathtub (which I think has very high vibrations! I love that bath and send it love every day when I'm enjoying it, Oh to have hot cleansing water! So lovely.). Wind from everything. The wind I'm describing is energy. You can't see it, I can't see it, maybe some people can see it. Some people don't feel it, some people kinda feel it, and then there are people like me. We sure can FEEL it. You send me a thought, trust me I GET IT. I'm not inside your head, I can't tell what your thinking. So don't worry! I can feel the energy you send when you send a thought involving me into the world. Just like when Gemini gets tangled in her leash, she will sit quietly and I will know she needs help without being able to see her. She must think of me, because I get a message.

• Have I been labeled as “too emotional” or overly sensitive?
• If a friend is distraught, do I start feeling it too?
• Are my feelings easily hurt?
• Am I emotionally drained by crowds, require time alone to revive?
• Do my nerves get frayed by noise, smells, or excessive talk?
• Do I prefer taking my own car places so that I can leave when I please?
• Do I overeat to cope with emotional stress?
• Am I afraid of becoming engulfed by intimate relationships?

Those are some of the questions I stumbled upon and answered resounding "Yes's to. I will post more as I go. 

Thanks for reading!!

I'm not willing to compromise my spirit anymore

Am I living a lie?

Where am I going?

What am I doing?

I had the best dream last night, the best. And now I'm awake, to find my world flipped upside down.

My relationships, are so twisted.

I'm tired of it. I don't know what to write. I don't want to write it. 

I don't want to cry, because that would be acknowledging it. I just want to be gentle with myself, and I want to protect myself from critical opinions. I'm so tired. Am I at the top of Everest yet?  I sure as hell can't turn around. Tried that. Ha. Trying to go back to the old way of living when your going through a spiritual awakening it really painful. What is also painful is holding onto things or people, you're suppose to let go of. I can't say it. I don't want it to be true. Not again. Not this one, why this one, too?

Dear God, please hold me. 

I don't want to let go. I want it to work. But I don't want to be dishonest with myself.

I don't want to write. I don't want to talk. 

I'm tired of being with someone who doesn't understand. I'm tired to trying to just be ok with him not trying to understand. I'm tired of not feeling appreciated for all the things I do, I'm tired of explaining something that's so special and amazing to me. Only to be misunderstood and told "Your too sesitive" or "here comes the spiritual babble again."
I'm pouring out now, life is good and sweet, so sweet to share, but so sweet to hold for myself, pure.

Kiel; I am going through a spiritual awakening, which involves changing the way I do everything. It means a lot of uncertainty. It means I'm trying things, I don't know what I want, I don't know where I'm going, but I know I want to travel with joy, peace and gratitude. I want to be gentle with myself if every way possible. Right now, you seem so negative and critical. It's too much. I feel like our connection is lost.

I'm not willing to compromise my spirit anymore, which is what it all comes down to.

How do I know? What do I do? How do I keep Kiel in my life, but get away from all the criticism.
The comments, I hate them. They are always coming after me, seeking me out. Get out of my head. Don't wake me up with your manipulation. You take and take, you expect and expect. I can't give what I don't have.

I'm tired of not being recognized for all of the amazingess I'm doing, and all the amazingness I am.