Sleepless Night Connections

sleepless nights
dream awake
third eye calls
awareness
stillness

chaos of the day
gone
no tomorrow
just now

crap in my eyes
itch on my skin
tired from the outpoor
emotional flood
the dam came lose again today

but the waters do not betray
for child, the stream is not to be resisted,
the flow will come whether you welcome her or not.

And I
lay awake
satisfied.

Intuition made visible

It is important for me to start using a pendulum again. I have been guided to more than a few times now. We all could benefit greatly by listening to our intuition more often. I wear my pendulum around my neck, its just a ring around a chain, but its beautiful Blue Indigo Purple Opal and I love it!

 This is from http://www.spiritual-endeavors.org/resources/pendulum.htm

by John and Micki Baumann sugilis@sedona.net

John writes monthly columns on the metaphysical properties of stones and crystals in magazines in several countries. Micki is an artist. Through her company, Deva Designs, she not only represents her own art pendants, hand sculpted on quartz crystals, but also represents other artists such as John M. Soderberg, one of the finest contemporary bronze sculptors in the world. For detailed information about quartz crystals, and other growth related topics, you may visit their website at http://users.sedona.net/~sugilis/index.html, or link directly to their site from our links page.

Using a Pendulum to Enhance Intuitionby John and Micki Baumann

How the Pendulum Works:

The pendulum can be thought of as an extension of the intuition, since it is used to gain access to information that exists at the subconscious level of the Inner Being. It could be said that it strengthens or amplifies the intuition because it converts the subtleties of the intuition into a more obvious form of physical motion. When you ask a question of the pendulum, it is your own intuition that answers it. The pendulum merely allows you to physically see what the intuition already knows. As an extension of the intuition, the pendulum can give you information from the same two sources as the intuition: from your own subconscious mind; and from your guidance, spirit, or guardian angel. Because of how it operates, the pendulum can only answer questions that are phrased so that the answer is either "yes" or "no".

Determining the "yes" and "no" Response:

Before using a particular pendulum for the first time, hold it in the appropriate position, and ask, either aloud or mentally, "Pendulum, please show me YES". Give the pendulum time to respond and observe the direction of the swing as it responds. If the swing is modest at first, don't be concerned, because it takes a while for a particular pendulum to begin to vibrate with you. After you have determined the YES response, ask the pendulum to show you the NO response in the same manner. Check the YES/NO response in this way, the first few times you do a session with the pendulum. This is necessary because different pendulums can give their YES and NO responses by swinging in different directions. Also, if at any time you feel you are not getting accurate responses, even after using the pendulum for a while, check the YES/NO response again. It is a good idea to check the YES/NO response periodically because it can change as you change and grow. It can also change if you let other people handle your pendulum.

Appropriate Types of Questions to Ask:

It is appropriate to ask a pendulum about things that are within your control, about situations where you have the right to make a choice, or about things your subconscious already has access to. For example, it is appropriate to ask whether it would be good for you to marry a particular person, but it not appropriate for you to ask whether he is going to ask you to marry him, because that is not your right to choose. In the same way, it is not appropriate to ask if you are going to meet your prince charming today, because that is not within your control. However, it is appropriate to try to divine other people's motivations or who they are inside, because you already know this at a subconscious level anyway. For example, it is appropriate to ask "Can I trust him? Does he want me for a friend, or only for what I can give him?"

What the Pendulum can be Used For:

The pendulum can be used for choosing between alternatives in a relatively wide range of areas. To get an answer from the pendulum, simply ask any yes/no question about a specific thing that would be good for you, but only in areas where you have the right to make the decision, for example, anything to do with health & healing, love or domestic relationships, career. Here are some typical areas where the pendulum can be used to good advantage:

•Making a Choice of any kind. (Do I want to travel for my vacation or stay home?) •Figuring out what is best to do. (Would it be better to keep my present job or look for a new job?) •Figuring out how you really feel about something. (Do I want children in the near future?) •Becoming more conscious of who someone is inside, to know his motivation, his compatibility with you. •Determining your probability of success in a situation.(Do I have what it takes to complete this course?) •Finding the cause of physical symptoms. (Is my diet causing my migraines?) •Determining what foods or vitamins to take. (Would it be good for me to double my Vitamin C intake?) •Determining what is causing an allergic reaction. (Am I lactose intolerant?) •Prospecting for water, oil, treasure. (Is there gold over here?) •Finding missing people or pets, or lost objects. (Is my key under the bed?) You can even use the pendulum with a map. Put the pendulum over a small area of the map and ask "Is Bowser here"?, and narrow it down in this way. Part of the knowledge that comes with experience in working with the pendulum is learning to sometimes start with broad questions, and then narrow them down.

Health:

The pendulum can be used to analyze what is going on in the human body. Each person subconsciously knows everything that is going on inside his body. This includes not only the physical things that are going on in the body, but also the mental, emotional and spiritual things. He knows what vitamins he is deficient in, what diseases he has, and why he has those diseases. He knows whether a product he is holding in his hand is toxic, allergenic, or useful and beneficial. He knows why he feels afraid under certain circumstances, and he knows what he needs to work on in order to grow spiritually. All this subconscious information can be made available to the conscious mind by learning to tune in to it with the aid of the pendulum.

Doing Pendulum Readings for Others:

Until you have had a lot of experience with the pendulum, do NOT try to use it to get information for someone else. There are ways to do this but it is difficult because the information comes from inside the person using the pendulum, and in order to use the pendulum on behalf of someone else, you have to be very tuned into the other person. Anyone can use the pendulum for himself, but few can use it for others. So don't do pendulum readings. Instead, make it a personal tool for yourself.

Things that can Cause an Incorrect Response from the Pendulum:

•Poor communication. (inaccurate phrasing) The most important thing is how you phrase the question. For example, don't just ask "Is this water good for me"?" Be more accurate: Good in what way? The water may have both good and bad aspects. For example, you may be extremely thirsty, so the water is good for replenishing your body fluids, but the water could be tainted and later give you diarrhea. So state the question more clearly such as "Will this water serve my highest and greatest good?" •Asking questions that are too general: Don't ask general questions such as "Is Mary healthy?" Rather ask specific questions such as "Is Mary's diet causing her health problems?" •Being tired. •Forcing the situation. Using the pendulum even though the time or circumstances may not be right. •Being off Center: Feeling mentally or emotionally out of balance. You need to be in the right frame of mind. •Focusing too heavily on the pendulum itself, and not enough on the information inside you. •Being too close to high frequency electrical equipment

Intense ~ poem

Intense
Up and down, I choose
over stability and boredom
I break apart and I am rebuilt

Right now
Intense
Influences taken over
Fight, yell, hurt

Freedom
Street dancing barefoot
Picking sleeping flowers
Moon rises, I rise up

crash down on me

Shattered
Gorgeous sound
Art for my ears
but it turns quickly

Accusations
he doesn't know what he does
Speak hate, judgement, racism
more hurt

Fight
spit starts it
He Swings
Impacts your jaw

Stop.

Acknowledged.
you listened to me
you put down your fists
We left him
Unharmed

Calmness
Authority at the door
In my space
why am I not afraid

Gratitude
for being valued
remembering the sound
all is still now

Reflection
What goes up
comes down

I Choose
Intensity
over stability

Goddess Free-flow (Knowings)

I AM A GODDESS

empowerment

entitlement

self worth, value

self love

I WALK WITH POWER

I ENTER THE SPACE I COME INTO

I embrace the energy, I embrace the space

I expand a little more each second

I shine brighter and brighter

I KNOW MY WORTH

I am SO worth-full! More than anything else in this world

I KNOW MY WORTH

I SPEAK MY WORDS

I WALK MY WALK

I FEEL MY FEELINGS

I AM a goddess, powerful and strong

Bright and balanced

I shine for myself

I shine for me

I free myself

I love myself

I LOVE MYSELF

I love my mind

I love my ego

I love my inner self

I love my body

I love it all

I love my bad

I love my good

I feel strong and empowered to live my life and serve

I do what I want, when I want to, I am absolutely free

I am intimately connected to everyone and everything

That is why I love and care for all

But I allow only the best to reach me

I will not hurt myself in order to help you

for that would be not appreciating my worth

I CARE WHAT I THINK

I do not bother myself with what you think

I think about good healthy empowering spiritual energies

I know they are swelling out of me and into me

I dance with the ebb and flow of life

I embrace when the tide is high

And I rest when it is low

My Body is open wide

allowing positive intention and flow

It is easy for me

I do not sacrifice anything, especially not myself

I am better than a butterfly, I expand further than what meets the eye.

I am.

Moon cycles - Deep Healing for women

Anise says; I have found these amazing articles, thanks to an old friend who is now in my life again (though the interweb) and I feel I must share. I LOVE the moon, and I find when I am healthiest my cycle is also healthy and on time. I feel I connect deeply with the dark goddess.

In the realm of myth and symbols, these phases are superbly mirrored in the three phases of every woman’s life—childhood, before the sex hormones begin to flow, the childbearing years, which begin at the menarche, and the postmenopausal years of the Moon Goddess in her Crone guise. In ancient cultures, the moon was considered the source of fertility and birth. She ruled destiny and time, the secrets of the unseen world, transformation, death and regeneration. It was the moon’s power that quickened all of life. Sowing and harvesting were done in harmony with her ebbs and flows.

 It was the moon which grew bright then darkened and disappeared altogether each month that taught people that nothing in life is constant. The only thing on which you can rely is change. The moon became a symbol of the cycle of transformation that makes its home in a woman’s body, while woman came to rule all things that involved change.

“ sovereign mystery and creative power of the female as the source of life that developed into the earliest religious experiences. The Great Mother Goddess who gives birth to all creation out of the holy darkness of her womb became a metaphor for Nature herself, the cosmic giver and taker of life, ever able to renew Herself within the eternal cycle of life, death and rebirth.”

WOMAN’S MANY FACES

We learn from ancient sources that, like woman herself, the Moon Goddess has many faces. At the new moon, she is the Virgin Goddess, wrapped in enthusiasm for new beginnings as seeds sprout and first shoots appear. When her second phase begins, so does puberty. Buds turn into flowers and flowers to fruits as virgin becomes transformed into Divine Mother in charge of procreation and sexuality. She is the pregnant goddess, mistress of animals, bringer of life, the Madonna.



As the moon begins to wane, woman passes through her next initiation to a time of harvest and a time of death, during which all that is old becomes compost for her new life. It is the Dark Goddess who rules the darkness of the moon, death and rebirth. Ancient statues of the Dark Goddess carved in bone, marble, alabaster or clay are often white—for white is the color of death. Bones are turned white by the elements. The big breasts and hips you find on statues of the Divine Mother become replaced by stiff nudes. The Dark Goddess is often depicted without breasts, her hands either on her chest or extended along her sides. She is shown with an enlarged pubic triangle, for the Dark Goddess of the waning moon is not only goddess of death but of regeneration. She rules the time in a woman’s life when everything that has run its course, everything which has become outmoded or no longer has meaning in a woman’s life, must be destroyed to make way for a more authentic life.

Anise says; I feel a deep connection to the Dark Goddess. I am a friend of death, I love cemetaries, and physchic mediums who can connect with people who have crossed over. I am a very thin framed woman, with small breasts, Its like I have skipped from childhood to menopause. My cycle is often non-existent, or it seems so to me, Like I truly am going through menopause. Sometimes it will be 5 months before I bleed. And the past has shown me that I am unable to create babies- but perhaps it has just been about timing. I also had huge problems when I tried to control my cycles, when I was on birth control my body would have 2 periods in one month, and soemtimes it would last 14 days (so basically I bled ALL THE TIME) not fun. So, the doctor would up my birth control hormones, and after 2 months i`d be back to bleeding all the time. I kept upping it thinking id have to reach my threshold or something. But I constantly had yeast and bladder infections. I got sick all the time. And really just felt like something was wrong. I haven`t been on birth control for years or more. And I feel a lot better. Now its more about listening to my body than trying to control it. Anways back to Dark Goddess, I am going through a phase in my life that is all about regenertaion. Everything has become outdated and no longer serves me, I`m tearing down old belief systems and conditioning, and making my way to nature. I prefer to be in nature than anywhere else (unless bed- sometimes that wins even over a sunny day). And yeah, I just feel I connect deeply with the Dark Goddess, and that just fits to me! Its like I already knew it, I'm just reminding myself again.

THE GIFTS OF MENOPAUSE

Menopause is the initiation of the Dark Goddess. It is the passage during which a woman is asked to confront the possibility of her own death and probe the mysteries of decay, dismemberment, and regeneration. For only through the death of the old can the exciting new birth that awaits us take place. As menopause approaches, often a woman wants to spend more time in nature and to feel her spirit fed by the earth. The fear of menopause and the fear of the Crone, so widespread in our society, are nothing more than a reflection of our misguided fear of death itself. For, in today’s world, we have forgotten the great cyclic flow of birth, flowering, death and regeneration that is hidden within the circle of the moon—as it is within all life—and reflected in the circle of our own souls.

Little wonder, since our patriarchal culture denies cyclical time and views events as linear. In linear time, the end is not connected with the beginning. Birth and death are not viewed as two vital passages in a continuing cycle of life, but as opposites—the one to be celebrated the other to be resisted at all costs until the bitter end. It is no wonder our society wants to black out menopause and to reject the older female. In the fearful fragmented world we live in, this appears to be the only way that human beings can deny for a time their own mortality. This is why the Dark Goddess remains a focus of fear and loathing in stereotypical male-dominated linear thinking.

BANISH FEAR AND CELEBRATE

Any woman who does not break through the limitations of such thinking and move beyond it risks becoming so paralyzed by fear that she looks upon The Dark Goddess (and menopause itself) as an enemy to be resisted. In truth, she is the archetype-medium by which the internal split that took place thousands of years ago between woman and her feminine nature can be healed forever. She is death’s priestess. It is she that wipes out outmoded patterns of thinking and living. Then, acting the role of the midwife, she brings new forms of living to birth.

The Dark Goddess—often called the Crone— can seem a terrifying figure to the uninformed women approaching menopause. She has so long remained repressed within our psyches that, when at last her energy rises and she makes her presence known, it can sometimes feel like an earthquake, a volcano, or some eruption of Nature that occurs to us as when pressures held too long within the earth are released. Yet the Crone has always been present in our lives: She has appeared each month as the moon grows dark and menstrual blood—the source of all creation—flows. Now, as menopause approaches, the Dark Goddess comes at last to rest within a woman’s being. For instead of being released each month, the dark blood of creative power is retained within a woman’s body and made available for her use.

MONUMENTAL TRANSFORMATIONS

The presence of the Dark Goddess in a woman’s life is easy to spot. She arises whenever we experience dramatic changes—the death of a loved one, loss of a job, disfiguration. She is our teacher who guides us through the transformation that is being asked of us onto a new level of being. She is there in our deepest despair and at times when we connect most powerfully with our own creative fire. She is the hand-maiden that nurtures us through dark nights once we are willing to make the descent into our own psyche, and connect with whatever forms are sleeping there, so we can begin to live our own power. When these connections are made she is present too. She teaches us by her presence alone to become deeply and spontaneously sexual, assertive, straight, incorruptible, prophetic, intuitive and free. All of these qualities arise at menopause.



These are the most precious gifts of the Crone. They herald the beginning of what is potentially the most creative part of any woman’s life… This time in which her biological creativity is let go of to be replaced by creativity of the highest order in any woman’s life. It must be said—it is these powerful gifts of the Dark Goddess which are still the most terrifying threats to the linear patriarchal culture of control in which most of us still live.

The Sacred Feminine Blood Mysteries

"Female shamanism is based in the blood cycle." 
- Vicki Noble

The blood mysteries are the sacred rites of passage in women’s sexual life cycle. The biological and psycho-spiritual changes of menarche, menstruation, pregnancy, birth, and menopause bestow feminine wisdom, spiritual and physical health, and sexual empowerment through the body. Women healers have long honored the sacred feminine healing powers of the Blood Mysteries, as sacred and powerful life transformations.

The blood mysteries are the catalysts for evolutionary feminine transformation on multidimensional levels of being. Women experience physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual, social, and spiritual changes through these rites of passage. Women are more easily able to access the spirit world through dreams, intuition, and trance during the times of menstruation, birth, and sex. This altered state of consciousness can facilitate healing, wisdom, and transformation.

Sexuality and spirituality are deeply interconnected, and ecstatic consciousness is a portal to the personally touch the divine nature of the universe. Ecstasy is a natural state that can be reached through meditation, dance, bodywork, music, drumming, and ritual, as well as through sacred sexuality and the Blood Mysteries.



It is within these these three natural states of bio-energetic transformation that a women is more open to spiritual awakening. During these times, the endocrine system creates powerful changes the body, including changes in the pineal gland and activity. Through menstruation, fertility, birth, and sacred sexuality, women naturally access the ecstatic states for divine love and healing transformation.



When our cycles are interfered with through medical, pharmaceutical, and toxic practices, women lose the ability to access their Sacred Feminine spiritual expansion and lose physical vitality and health. There is a cultural attack upon women's mysteries beginning with the shame and manipulation of menarche and menstruation.

Our culture today systemically attacks every stage of a woman's sexual cycle. Through PMS, toxic menstrual products, and pain relieving medications as well as shame inducing corporate media and advertising young girls and women are brainwashed to resent and hide their moon-cycles. The natural cyclical wisdom of fertility is manipulated through birth control pills, implanted contraceptives, and female sterilization. The powerful experience of childbirth is controlled through pharmaceuticals, anesthesia, and interventions in childbirth. The wisdom of the wise woman is lost due to the epidemic of hysterectomies and hormone replacement therapy.

It is time to honor, celebrate, and experience the Sacred Feminine Mysteries of the Womb once again! To teach our children to honor their bodies, to hold sexuality as sacred, and not manipulate their reproductive systems. To keep our wombs intact, to track our natural fertility cycles, to celebrate our moon-blood as healing elixir of life, childbirth as a shamanic rite of passage, and the integrity of the female body and spirit.

Women’s cycles are a deep source of connection to nature. The menstrual cycle is guided by the moon; the lunar cycles influence the tides of the oceans and women’s wombs. We experience the cycles of nature physically every day, the cycle of the day and night, the moon cycle, the solar cycle of the seasons, and we experience natural cycles within our bodies, the lifecycle, dreamcycles, the menstrual cycle, and the birth cycle.

All of nature flows in cycles. Following the cycles of the sun and moon give us understanding of the ebb and flow of our inner cycles. Consciously connecting with the elements of earth, air, fire, and water create a practice of healthy balance and intimate trust in nature. Feeling the vibrational nature of all life from the celestial sky to the millions of cells in our bodies guides us to awareness of the infinite nature of life and the expanses of the soul.

Open your awareness to the beauty and perfection of the cycles of life mirrored in nature and our bodies. Celebrate the feminine rites of passage. May we remember our integral nature and strength to reclaim our inner codes of ecstatic consciousness, spiritual transformation, and sacred healing.

I am going to start tracking my menstral cycle. Wow. Even just writing menstral cycle I felt a bit of shame! And look, I dont even know how to spell it properly! It is so conditioned into me to feel shame and block out anything to do with it. I am willing to let go of that BS. (belief system) lol!

It is amazing to have menstrual cycles!

Flow with it! 

my life last week- pictures!

So, whats been going on?

(I'm a week behind- the garden photos are already outdated- sunflowers are taller than me! Peas are making peas, zucchini the size of my head! food is growing! Cant wait for ripe tomatoes

Austin went missing for a night! Honestly I thought he was a goner.

 Thankfully, he stumbled upon some nice neighbours who took him in and fed him well!

This is him right after, content looking 

 Hibiscus Flower bush, I planted into the ground today (don't have a picture yet but I will)

Zucchini! 

 Zucchini by the compost!

 Grape vine and a colourful hanging reflector 

 New pathway!!

 Parsley and Basil I grew from seed! So proud of my little guys!

 Garden from a far, expanding!

Sweet peas, fenugreek, Spinach going to seed (pulled that out now)

Sunflower and sweet peas

The Salad greens, some mustards are flowering and arugula, mmm

gemini, eye in the sun

Salad greens, lettuce, carrots in the back left corner, and tomatoes!

A colourful salad

Kale, swiss chard, mustard greens, bok choy, arugula, and all sorts of greens

Lily (who I dog-sat) at the beach!

Goofy picture of me

Shrunken view

Didn't see this, but I love it!

Thanks for viewing! I hope you enjoyed them as much as I do!

body language free writing

body language

i curl my toes in
I put my knees together
i wrap my legs around each other
and curl my body inwards

But? would she? the woman inside of me? would the spirit inside of me?
She would hold her space and not comfort herself,
thats what im doing, comforting myself with my body language

But. thats not the message I want to give out,
I want to burst out, stand up tall,
take the world all in, stop hiding away,

'I think that we are like stars. Something happens to burst us open; but when we burst open and think we are dying; we’re actually turning into a supernova. And then when we look at ourselves again, we see that we’re suddenly more beautiful than we ever were before!~ C. JoyBell C. ~

worthy of love

Am I worthy of Love?

I just took a quiz about chakra healing and one of the questions was,

I  feel unworthy of love?

I was to pick strongly agree, agree, disagree or strongly disagree.

I chose strongly agree

and burst into tears,

I am now writing this, while still crying, to hope to clear this up.

I stopped in my tracks at that question. I stared at it for a few seconds, I didn't want to click that I strongly agree that I am unworthy of love. But I honestly feel that way. I mean, I have my logical mind that says of course you are worthy of love. But there's this HUGE hurting part of me that shakes its head in defeat. No I'm not worthy.

I am not enough. I don't give enough, I don't try enough. I am not enough. I'm not good.

I don't want to believe this. I didn't even know I had this belief.

How do I change it?

My life will be so much better if I do.

I want to love myself and feel that I am worthy of love.

but Something is still holding me back, 

what is it?

What does holding the belief "I am not good" do for me? 

How does it benefit me? It protects me? Somehow, its like a self saving/sabotage thing i guess. 

How does having this belief hinder me? It holds me back from completely loving myself. It blocks me from my abundance and success in money and job areas, and spiritual practices, and growth in every aspect of my life. It's all about me, and if I don't feel worthy of love that's like building a house on a crumbly foundation! No wonder I'm having such a hard time! 

I am worthy of love. I am. I am Good. I am. (breathe deep).

If I want to live my life, Empowered and Successful and Spiritual. I need to know that I am worthy of every second of it. This will also help me stay in this moment, and not go over and over the past, and fret about the future. I am worthy of love this very second.

 That makes me feel good. :) 

I know that I am worthy of love. 

Ahhh, how nice is this feeling! Mmm, I feel warm, and bright, content, deep. The deep down inner good stuff. :) The essence.

The harvest of my pain was its own peace and remedy.

As low as I had sunk, I rose, faith restored from blasphemy.

Body, heart, and soul obscured the path, until

Body melted into heart, heart in soul, and soul in love itself.

~ Rumi

Wow, now I feel calm.

I am imagining my life, me, Empowered; smiling radiantly in the sun while surrounded by people smiling too. Successful; A Health Coach, or a Empowerment/spiritual coach, continue gardening, creating art, writing books, surrounded by health and spirit. Spiritual; In Touch with my inner self and feminine, Able to listen fully, appreciate fully each moment, Strong faith. I am worthy of it all. Of course I am! I know I am. I love me so much. I am the freaking best!!

Why I love you

I love you because;

I feel like I can be me. This is the essence of it all.
I want to be the real authentic true me. I want to stop caring about what people think of me (and I have definitely improved in this department lately...(big part of it is because of you).)
I want to goof off. I want to laugh loudly and smile with all of my teeth and a little gum. I am brutally honest, but I am compassionate as hell. You see that.

I want to cry. I want to run. I want to sing. I want to dance and play and get messy.
If I was alone in the world I would do these things.
But my fear of being judged as less than perfect holds me back.
(I'm working on this everyday and I have moved mountains already)

I love YOU because I know that you love me for ALL of it. All of me.
You love me when I'm crazy. You love me when my quirky and abrupt laugh echos through the entire neighborhood. You love me when I'm depressed and don't leave the couch for days.
This brings tears to eyes and a love to my heart that I had missed.

You Inspire me. You push me. You motivate me gently- which to me means the world, as I am super sensitive. Sometimes you hurt me, and you say things I take personal. But I can see through the mask of anger and pain you are lost in. I can feel your heart. I KNOW you. And I LOVE you.

I know you, and you know me.
So why, darling, do you ask me why I love you?

Money Honey...and Abundance too!!

Hey there readers! Thank you so much for reading my blog by the way!
I have 924 page-views!! And people all around the world including; Canada, Russia, Germany, South Korea and the States (and more) are reading my blog! Too cool! Love you guys.

So yesterdays post (Happiness for Mom) may have arisen some questions about my views of money...(I am actually writing a book about this!) So I thought I'd hopefully clear that up a little.

I don't think that money is bad. Money is a tool. Its in the spiritual world and it has manifested itself into the physical world to help us and enable us. It is freeing and necessary (unless you are willing to really be tested and faithful.) But God/the Universe gave us money for a reason. Its not to be avoided.

There are many beliefs around money like; Rich people are selfish, The rich get richer, the poor get poorer, and Poor people aren't helping themselves...

Well, It does seem like many rich people are selfish, but what about the rich people who give a lot (for example Ellen Degeneres!)... Rich people are not all bad, money doesn't change your attitude but it AMPLIFIES it. So if you are a giving and deserving person (and you believe yourself to be, because really we are ALL deserving.) you will become more giving and more deserving, so no matter how much you give, you will always be rich with money. (Like how Ellen gives away free stuff ALL THE TIME and yet is still rich.) But if you are selfish money will AMPLIFY that.

The rich get richer because they are born into a family with beliefs that they are entitled to money. They KNOW it flows abundantly and they are tapped into that flow because they know it is abundant. You can never make someone else poor by being rich, just as you can never be poor enough to make someone else rich. This universe is ABUNDANT meaning you don't get your quota and that's it! You can ALWAYS receive more. It is all about your belief.

The poor get poorer because they grow up thinking "there is not enough money", "I can't afford that", etc.. so their belief is whats holding them back. (Including me, and I am still working on tearing down this belief.) For some reason I don't feel worthy of having abundant money. Because I guess, I feel that it is selfish when there are starving people in the world. But really, If I had more money I would give it to those starving people, thus I would be less selfish than I am when I'm broke and not giving any money! Wow, just realized that as I was writing.

Poor people aren't helping themselves... Ugh. I have have a tough time with this because it is put on me everyday. I'm not working a conventional job. I am employed by spirit! (As a wonderful man pointed out to me recently.) I am working on breaking these limiting beliefs that "you have to give up your precious time, energy and thus passions in order to make a living." But, perhaps I am not helping myself...well obviously I'm not since I am broke...which completely relates to my limiting beliefs about money.

I don't think that working is bad. But I know, for me, giving up whats important to me is bad. I want to work for a company that is GOOD for EVERYONE and EVERYTHING that it comes in contact with. Simple. I also don't want to work myself exhausted so I don't have time or energy to write, paint, sketch, tend to my garden, visit with and love my kitty, Kiel and my family, etc... I'm not willing to give up my entire week so I can recuperate on the weekend just to start the grind again, feeling like something is missing and seeing how empty the cycle of working to live and living to work is.

You may be thinking "Well, geez, of course we all don't want to work, but I have to." I'm here to tell you NO, you don't HAVE to. You choose to. Which is not bad, but if you are unhappy with your job and you associate yourself with your job you are going to be unhappy with YOURSELF. What good things would you be able to do for YOU if you didn't work as much as you do? What are you losing by working all the time? If you didn't have to work, what would you do?

Imagine your dreams, your passion, image your bliss. Start envisioning it, make it feel real in your mind. I encourage you to keep it up and make steps towards doing these things. No one else on earth can be you. You are here for great things! If you don't do it, no one else will. And (I don't mean to scare you) but what if you died tomorrow? Would you look back on your life and say "Man I'm glad I worked so much and forgot about my dreams."? I think not. So please, for you. Find a job that makes you feel good. And if you can't. Stop working, even just for a little bit. Allow yourself to play, and believe in the possibilities. This universe is abundant. Meaning your dreams can come true ABUNDANTLY! And that, is worth celebrating!!!

Thanks for reading!! Love to you!!

Happiness for Mom!!

I just got of the phone with Mom. She is volunteering at a  farm called Providence!!!!

She is volunteering!! She's not slaving away!

The farm she works at does good for everything and everyone that it comes into contact with! 

It is good for the soul! - Her words!! 

She's gotten out of the system!! Im so proud! 

Maybe I trail blazed the way for her to not care about getting paid! I started that! She was resistant in the beginning. She always wanted me to succeed and her image of success meant that you had to give up a lot and work very hard and its tough but the reward at the end will be worth it. I couldn't live that way- and when I say couldn't I mean couldn't, I was digging my own grave when I tried. She didn't understand at first. I remember her saying “but how do you make money? How are you benefiting anyone? Your just mooching.” And I said, "I tend to the garden, which makes Dad happy. I clean the house which makes Dad happy. I am there to visit which makes Dad happy. And he likes to provide for me because what makes me happy makes him happy. Kiel likes me around, he is happier when I'm there, I bring him up. I bring them both up, with my sharing, and my love. And so its a mutual relationship with both parties benefiting." I saw the look in her eye, it wasn't a judgement or a resistance, it was a ohhh....huh....maybe id like that? And now talking to her, I believe I did help her with that way of thinking.

I'm changing this belief system not only for myself! But for my Mother!!!! I am so happy. 

So full of Joy! It's my greatest dream, my biggest wish! Happiness for Mom! 

My beautiful childlike and yet wise Mother. She is a warm, caring soul. A beautiful inner child. A drummer, A drummer to her own beat. A leader, a singer, a laugher, a Lover. 

~And I love her with all my heart~

growth and peace

I'm feeling a whole lotta healing happening :)

I woke up content.

My dreams were beautiful as always but i wasn't wanting to stay there, i was ready to wake up. I'm rested. I see so clearly now. Much more clearer than I did before.

 Revelations of an Indigo;

1. I always hated it when people looked at me. When they stared as I walked by. I felt 'watched' and like i have no privacy. like their prying eyes could see through me, into my soul, they could see all my negative aspects. I was ashamed and felt worthless. I wished i was invisible, i didn't want them to focus on me. I didn't like the attention.
But now. I know I am an Indigo. I am bright, I am a light, I shine to people. They are drawn to me because I make them feel good. The only person who was viewing me as a dark shadow of regrets was myself. I tried to cover my light. Smother it. I'm still not totally sure why I did this. But I am open and bright now. Im throwing away that old image of me and choosing a bright indigo shine. Rays of light and energy.

2. My third eye chakra and heart chakra are always open. I have never doubted God, I have never doubted my connection to God. I have doubted my worth which in a way doubts God, but I pray that I will not do that anymore. My heart has always been open and loving and ready to Love.

3. When I was a kid I always knew I could fly, or teleport. I knew these powers existed and I was frustrated that I could't figure out how to use them. No one told me about them. I just knew.

4. My whole life I knew I am here to help. My life's mission has always been to help. To help people, to help animals, to help mother earth, to help love. I was a picky eater, my parents would say "starving kids in Africa would love to eat the food you throw out" and I always said ":take me there, I want to give them my food. Save it. Can we mail it?" and when I graduated my Mother and I flew to Africa to help for 5 weeks.

5. My first dream job was to be an astronaut. I wanted to go to space so badly and no matter what everyone said i was stubborn as heck for 3 years of my childhood that i was going to be an astronaut. I've always loved the moon to the extreme. I don't think there are many people out here who understand my deep and loving connection to the moon. The mystery, the yin, the serene stillness, and the calling I hear her calling.  She yearns as I do.

More indigo Info:
http://teachingindigos.com/
http://www.amagicalworld.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=9&Itemid=9

Frustrations and Revelations

Learning a New Perspective

Today I found myself feeling:

I am so mad! Garrrrr, Urgg Arrgggg!!

No one cares enough, why aren`t people gentler and more accepting.

Where the hell am I suppose to go now?

Why don`t I feel strong and loved and right.

I hate this

I am frustrated, I am sad and hurt. I am tired.

I feel Hopeless.

I feel distant from Kiel, I feel distant from everyone

 I guess I feel distant from myself.

I'm frustrated that I don't know what to do next. I'm impatient. 

I want more awareness, I want answers. I miss home.

I just want to go home and sleep for a while. I miss my true accepting family.

I miss me. 

I sigh heavily, my chest is weight-full,

My eyes are tired.

and Kiel comes to comfort me,

and Loves Me, 

I am blessed. 

I Love Me.

I Am. 

Grateful. An Indigo child. A Lover. Sensitive. Accepted. I accept myself and everything I wish to do.

I make the best decisions for me. And I trust myself.

I am here, and everything I'm here for is for the better of my Soul.

I am grateful to be here, on earth. I am thank full for being Awake and Alive.

I am receiving the answers, they are already here.

I have all the awareness and direction I need, and I am open to them. I am receiving more and more awareness and direction with each coming second.

It is good to feel lost... because it proves you have a navigational sense of where "Home" is. You know that a place that feels like being found exists. And maybe your current location isn't that place but, Hallelujah, that unsettled, uneasy feeling of lost-ness just brought you closer to it. ~Erika Harris